Posted November 20, 2010 at 04:36 pm
I'm going to try to make this post without coming off as an evil, miserly son of a rat. Keep in mind I am a little crazy and probably a paranoid schizophrenic.

You stand at the counter. "That will be $1.06 please. Would you like to give $1 to Orphans Dying Of Being Orphans?" "No, I am evil, and I want all orphans to die because they are orphans." "Thank you, sir. Come again."

This has been a growing trend that I'd like to see stopped, where stores and fast food restaurants ask you for a dollar every time you buy something for some charity of which you've never heard. I'm not a selfish man. I want to give. I give whenever I can, and I feel terrible when I can't. Next year I hope to auction off a custom strip for the Child's Play charity that gives video games and toys to sick kids who need all of the joy they can get. If I were a rich man, I'd like to start a mobile veterinary station that treats animals and spays/neuters them at low to no cost to the owners. I've fantasized about having a loving foster home for needy children to get them out of orphanages and out of the homes of abusive/neglectful foster parents who take them in only for the government allowance.

But back to the trend. If I'm performing my errands for the day, I will likely encounter two or three places just in that short time. At the Dollar Tree where I can occasionally find decent prices on household amenities, they will say "Would you like to buy a child a toy for $1?" I'm not sure how to say "no" in a strong enough tone. For one, I'm not going to bestow upon some child the horror of your crappy discontinued stuffed Ricky Martin doll that you're just trying to get rid of. Another thing, if I'm going to give, it's going to be directly to the charity, and not let it pass through the hands of a corporate entity who might get only a small portion of it to the actual charity in need.

This part is maybe just me being the usual crazy that I am, but when I am asked this question, I feel a harsh social stigma washing over me. It is twofold. Let's say there's an attractive woman behind the counter, or one standing behind me in line, or both. Let's analyze the answers I give as my crazy-person mind is wont to do. If I say "No" I can't help but think "Oh, can't give a kid a dollar, eh? What a piece of work you are. Your taco comes with extra spit today." Then, if I say yes, "Oh, big spender. Look at this loser trying to impress me with a crappy dollar." Obviously that last one is extremely paranoid and far-fetched, and I will admit it plays the least to my fears.

Another reason I don't trust this at all is that the company is probably maxing out its charitable donations for tax write-offs and publicity by having to spend no money out of their pockets. Just instructing their employees to ask for a dollar from every customer, and voila. Even if only 1 out of 10 people agreed to it, they'd be swimming in such donations. Then at the end of the fiscal year, they're shouting from the rooftops "Look at our charitable donations this year! We're philanthropy incarnate!" This is another reason I like to give directly. Not so I get credit, but so that someone else doesn't steal that credit for their own personal gain.

But as it stands, not just me, but everyone's in an economy right now where every dollar counts. There are no rich people shopping at the Dollar Tree, or Big Lots and probably not Taco Bell, but these are the places you'll most likely hear professional begging for them to add a $1 donation to your $2 check. If you run a lot of small errands and gave a dollar to each of them, you could be looking at your water bill for the month, or your insurance bill if you're a safe driver. It could amount to a few days worth of groceries if you are frugal.

I understand the reasoning of a reasonable person, however. If you leave most people to their own devices, they may never give. You must guilt them, and they're correct in that assumption. We've all seen the commercials, and we've probably donated to them. You see the kid from Simbadoo (not a place) with flies on his face and emaciated while a chubby white person begs you to help. Just watching TV makes you the monster. Only 30 cent a day. You can spare it, ya sleazeball. Actually though, I'm being harsh. I have no problem with this advertising at all. It guilts people in the proper way, by appealing to their own conscience, but what's more, in privacy. That's what the difference is between private guilt, and the public guilt you get from an announcement that "No, I do not wish to help people."
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